The List

So awhile back there was someone in my life that suggested I do this excersize. Basically, make a list of 100 things about yourself. It's supposed to give you a look into the person you are. You are not supposed to think about it. Just start writing things that pop into your head. Seems simple enough right?

Although she shared hers with me and hers was a lot more personal than mine, I gave it a shot. I guess cause I don't really like diving too deep into myself at times. I'm still learning about myself after losing touch with myself for so many years.

Anyways, here is my list. Some of it flows and some of it is just randomness that popped into my head at the time lol

I think this will show a lot about the person I am inside and not the person you see at shows and events.

1. I am a huge procrastinator.
2. I tend to get way ahead of myself and try to run before walking.
3. I rarely forgive.
4. I never forget.
5. Secretly I am the most self conscious person.
6. Get some booze in me and I'm the hottest bitch on the block.
7. I drink to deal with life.
8. A horrible habit I can't shake.
9. I thrive on horrible habits.
10. I guess that makes me self desructive.
11. It's a form of self abuse that I subconciously enjoy.
12. I think that is due to growing up in an abusive and disfunctional home.
13. Looking back on my childhood makes me really sad at times.
14. I wonder if the abuser ever feels remorse and if he really believes he never hurt anyone.
15. I still feel a lot hatred and resentment towards that man.
16. Singing is my passion.
17. I would give a whole lot to be able to play the piano again without having to learn it all over again.
18. Singing is a lot of time my only outlet since I have a horrible time communicating.
19. Deep down I fear commitment just as much as I crave it.
20. That is probably why I sometimes sabotage good things before I realize what I am doing.
21. Also because I fear failing.
22. I would rather quit than fail.
23. I really can't wait to be a mother.
24. I fear that it will never actually happen.
25. I wanna get married and live happily ever after.
26. I fear that will never happen either.
27. I wonder if two people can really be in love for all eternity.
28. Love terrifies me but I do give 210% of my heart even if it doesn't seem that way at times.
29. I'm stubborn to a fault.
30. I get in my own way constantly.... that goes back to my fear of failure.
31. I constantly wonder "what if..." and that probably is what sets me back a lot too.
32. I have some EXTREME trust issues.
33. My trust issues make my imagination go wild more than it should.
34. I constantly question the motives of others.
35. There are a lot of personal things I am dying to share with someone but I don't.
36. Mainly cause a lot of it is depressing.
37. I know eventually I will have to share those things so I can move forward and leave them behind.
38. Because of those things bottled up, some people will never quite understand why I am the way I am.
39. Or why I over react in certain situations.
40. I feel like I have really lost touch with the person I used to be.
41. I know why and I wish I could go back in time and change those decisions that took me down those harsh and unforgiving roads.
42. At the same time I can't help but feel like I needed to learn those lessons sooner than later.
43. Really I wish I never had to learn them at all though.
44. Everything I have been through has molded me into the person I am though, the good and the bad.
45. I have found that people have a hard time accepting both.
46. In the past I have ended up with people that focused more on the bad though.
47. That's a big part of why I have a complex.
48. I honestly think I was born in the wrong era.
49. I think I belong in the 60s with Janis Joplin.
50. That seems to be more of the lifestyle I am accustomed to.
51. I have definitely taken it down a few notches though.
52. I'm still working on bringing it down a few more.
53. I often wonder what my purpose in life is.
54. I believe everyone has one.
55. Though I can't say for sure, I feel it is something important.
56. Why else would I still be here after the 2 times I was pretty much promised not to make it?
57. I often think about my aunt that passed my senior year.
58. It's a little depressing when my aunt's tell me I am a replica of her inside and out.
59. She was an amazing person but I hate to think of myself going down that same road.
60. I feel guilt when I think of her being gone and the fact I should have showed up when I said I was going to.
61. I am grateful however, that I did get to say my last goodbyes to my grandma.
62. I'll never forget the sorrow on my grandpa's face when she took her last breath.
63. I hope one day I'll get to experience anything close to the love that the two of them shared for all those years.
64. I have been told that crazy attracts crazy.
65. I have come to believe it.
66. I am always trying to fix other's lives.
67. I haven't the slightest clue how to fix my own.
68. I daydream constantly.
69. I have an obsession with quoting movies.
70. Reading is one of my favorite pass times.
71. One of the greatest books I have read up to date was how to Make Love Like A Porn Star by Jenna Jameson.
72. Another favorite was Love is Nothing, an Eva Gardener bio.
73. I think mainly because I saw so much of myself and past experiences written about it both.
74. There were certian points that I was almost positive I was reading my own bio. Disturbing and comforting in the same breath.
75. I am obsessed with Forensic Files.
76. I think forensics would be a dream job.
77. I think working in the music industry would be the best job EVER.
78. I would like to have my own non-profit organiztion.
79. I genuinely miss all the volunteer work I used to do.
80. It made me feel better about myself.
81. One day I would love to live in the country.
82. I want a farm.... pretty much as a personal petting zoo.
83. I have found that my bond with animals is much stronger than humans.
84. Animals love unconditionally and that is refreshing to me.
85. I am scared of the dark.
86. I won't watch scary movies my myself.
87. I'm loud.
88. I'm random.
89. Drink like a fish.
90. Cuss like a sailor.
91. I sometimes laugh at the most inappropriate times.
92. I laugh when I am nervous.
93. I enjoy conversation with random people from time to time.
94. I enjoy sitting on a lifeguard tower and watching the waves at night.
95. I am mesmerized by the blue glow of the white wash when the moon hits it.
96. I fight for things I am passionate about.
97. I will argue my point till the very end, even if I am wrong.
98. I strongly support gay rights.
99. I cannot stand closed minded people that look down their noses at things different from themselves.
100. No matter what anyone else says or thinks, I know that I am awesome! =)

The End!